A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, "your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one."The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay."637", said the blonde.The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain."I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?
Blonds

51 DAYSA bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door burstsopen and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order fivebottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at alarge table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begintoasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondesarrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raisingthe roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in witha picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in themiddle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing aroundthe table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51days!"The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to thetable. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of theCookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asksone of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondesare dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side ofthe box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! "
Blonds

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Blonds

What do you call a blonde with white eyes?full up......Sent by Rob
Blonds

Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
Blonds

Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Blonds

The complaint letter from Judi:We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff. Sined by the blonds at the ofise (sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)
Blonds

Blondes dumb?!?!? After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with ablonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some foodto replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milkand right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still prettyhot,so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blondewalks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
Blonds

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette saidthat her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Headand Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,"How do you give shoulders?"
Blonds

A blond at a party was telling her friend thatshe was off men for life. "They lie, they cheatand they're just no good. From now on when I wantsex, I'm going to use my vibrator""So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."
Blonds

Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders.Because they can never keep two calves together.
Blonds

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...' The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'
Blonds

Whats a blonde's favorite surgery?A Slipodictomy.
Blonds

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Blonds

Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Blonds

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
Blonds

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
Blonds

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring training.
Blonds

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! they spelled MACY'S wrong.
Blonds

Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
Blonds

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
Blonds

At the Doctor's... -A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the doctor. -The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." -Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." -Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts." The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?" -"Why yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."
Blonds

A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Blonds

"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.""In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."
Blonds

This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat ofhis car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you wantto move to the back seat?"She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?"To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'dbe lonely back there!"
Blonds

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered theelevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
Blonds

I was shopping at our local supermarket.When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme.As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,"Paper or plastic?""It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."
Blonds

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. Sheasks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- somethingunusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- "HappyBirthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry."The blonde replied, "How cool! I'll take the whole box!"
Blonds

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had nolessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and thenhorse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady andrhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from thesaddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to geta firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides downthe side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seeminglyimpervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, sheleaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is nowat the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is batteredagainst the ground again and again. She is mere moments away fromunconsciousness when........ ........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Blonds

How do you confuse a blond?You don't, they're born that way.
Blonds

What do you do when a Blonde throws a grenade at you?Pull the pin and throw it back.
Blonds

How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Blonds

How did the blond break her leg while raking leaves?She fell out of the treesent by Chris
Blonds

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M's Factory?She threw away all the w's.Sent by Chris
Blonds

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.Sent by Chris
Blonds

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.
Blonds

What do you call a blonde lesbian? A waste.
Blonds

Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam? She wasn't used to the front seat! Why did she finally pass her test? She took the examiner with her.
Blonds

What do a moped and a blonde have in common? They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Blonds

How are a blonde's legs like cheese wiz? They're both useless unless they're spread!
Blonds

How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear.
Blonds

How do you change a blonde's mind? Buy her another beer.
Blonds

How do you confuse a blonde?Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.How do you confuse her even more?Ask her where she went.Sent by Chris
Blonds

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds."
Blonds

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? Finger on chin I don't know. Hits forehead Oh I get it!
Blonds

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
Blonds

How do you drownd a blonde???You place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.Sent by L&S
Blonds

Why does a blonde girl always have a bruise around her belly button???Cause blonde boys aren't that smart either.
Blonds

One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was athermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hotand cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it towork one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said whatis that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said. What doesit do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you havein it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.Sent by Tom
Blonds

What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Blonds

How do you know when a blonde has been working on your computer?There's white out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick!
Blonds

Three blondes were driving down the highway trying to get to Disneyland. They saw a sign that read 'DisneyLand Left.' So they went home.
Blonds

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen? That's the proper place to wash vegetables.
Blonds

Why do blondes use so much shampoo? The instructions read: LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT
Blonds

Part I: How do you keep a blond(e) busy? Give him/her a bag of M&Ms and ask her to alphabetize them. Part II: Why does that work? 'Does 3 come before E or between M and W?'
Blonds

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Seven...one to mix the batter and six to peel the M&Ms.
Blonds

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.The interviewer decides to start with the basics.'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' The blonde counts carefully on her fingers forabout 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!' The interviewer tries another straightforward oneto break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?' The young lady stands up and produces a measuringtape from her handbag. She then traps one endunder her foot and extends the tape to the top ofher head. She checks the measurement and announces,'Five foot two!' This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes forthe real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for ourrecords, your name please?' The blonde bobs her head from side to side for abouttwenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,before replying, 'Mandy!' The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, sohe asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understandyour counting on your fingers to work out your age, andthe measuring tape for your height is obvious, but whatwere you doing when we asked you your name?' 'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me runningthrough 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''
Blonds

Q: Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test? A: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.
Blonds

Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them!
Blonds

What's a blonde's mating call? I think I'm drunk.
Blonds

Q:How can you tell if a blond has been sleepwalking? A:When you look in the refridgorator and there's lipstick all over the pickles.
Blonds

Q: Why was the blonde looking in the refrigerator? A: Because The organe Juice said concentrate
Blonds

What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car? Dual air bags!
Blonds

A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into thecoke machine at a large Vegas casino. She keptpunching the buttons only to have happen what you'dexpect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other,and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so wentand got more. Back at it she went, blocking the wayto the other vending machines with the mounting pileof soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to theyoung lady. People were starting to gather, seeing this beautifulwoman enthusiastically plugging money in like it wasfun. The people were gathering more though waiting theirturn at the machines. After watching a while, someone asked from the rear ofthe group, 'Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?' 'Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts, 'can't you see I'mwinning here?'
Blonds

What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
Blonds

What is a Blondes favorite nursery rhyme? Hump me dump me
Blonds

A blond walks into a bar. Ouch!
Blonds

There are three 3rd Grade girls, a blonde, a brunnett, and a red-head.Q. Which one is the tallest?A. The blonde -- she is 18 years old!
Blonds

What do spaghetti and blondes have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them!Sent by Sonia
Blonds

Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her."That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid.""Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again."Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?""Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?"
Blonds

A blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway.The brunette keeps saying, "88, 88, 88..."The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past."What are you doing?""I'm counting cars,"comes the rely. "Want to help?""Sure!" says the blond. She walks out to the middle of thehighway to the brunette and starts saying "88, 88, 88.."All the time the cars are dodging the two woman. Then a big semidrives by and runs over the blond. The brunnette calmly walksdown the highway, picks a new spot, and starts muttering, "89, 89, 89..."Sent by Kellie
Blonds

There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home. When theygot about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no ideaway use your imagination). The three girls jump off and swimto a nearby island. After being there a few days the brunettetries to swim to shore. She gets about five miles off theisland's shore and drowns. After a few days pass the redhead decidesthat she will try. She gets about have way and drowns. Nowrealizing all her friends are gone she decides to try too. Now sheswims for hours. She gets to where she can see the shore but sheis so tired she decieds to turn around and go back.Sent by Evan
Blonds

What do you call three blondes on Santa's Lap??Ho Ho HoSent by Adam
Blonds

Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: " OOOOOhhh that looks like semen." She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says "It feels like semen."The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says "It smells like semen." The blonde, reaches out and touches it with her fingers and then puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it and says, "It doesn't taste like anyone in this building . . ."
Blonds

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar.""Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one."You dumbass -- that's ME!
Blonds

Two blondes were walking through the woods and theycame to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks." The other said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued and were still arguing whenthe train hit them.
Blonds

What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
Blonds

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE STANDING ON HER HEAD?A BRUNETTE WITH BAD BREATH!Sent by C?M
Blonds

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?All you can eat for under a buck.
Blonds

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.The doctor asked her what had happened to herears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirtand the phone rang - but instead of picking upthe phone I accidentally picked up the ironand stuck it to my ear.""Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief."But. what happened to your other ear?""The son of a bitch called back."
Blonds

A police officer arrives at an accident scene whereapparently three blondes have leaped to their deathfrom a very tall building... he suddenly notices thatone is still breathing so he approaches her and asks:"why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap outof that building?"The blond answers in a very weak voice: "we wanted totry out our new maxi-pads with wings"...
Blonds

How can you tell if a FAX was sent by a blonde? It has a stamp on it.
Blonds

What is six inches long, has a bald head, anddrives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill.
Blonds

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? Hey! There's some things even a blonde won't do.
Blonds

What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life?The 1st grade.
Blonds

What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?A mobile sperm bank.
Blonds

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into alumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office andsaid, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meanttwo-by-fours.""All right. How long do you need them?"The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better gocheck."After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,"A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Blonds

How do you know a blond has been using your computer?When the joy stick is wet!Sent by Richard
Blonds

(Q) Why don't blondes use vibrators? (A) Because they are scared they might chip thier teeth!!!Sent by T.L.Glenn
Blonds

Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?The blonde - she is eighteen.
Blonds

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Blonds

This blond teenage dragged her boyfriend to the court on paternity issue.The lawyer asked, "How long are you having a sexual relationship?" "Years,I tell you years" she replied. " Thats no answer, you have to specify howlong has he intimated with you." "I don't know exactly, its average, aboutsix inches"
Blonds

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the horse unnoticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over. She almost loses conscience when the Wal-Mart manager runs out and turns off the horse.Sent by Marge
Blonds

Q. Why was the female blonde confused whilst going to the ladies toilet??A. She had to pull her own pants downSent by sam
Blonds

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain."I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman."Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told thesalesman, "I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied."Darn, he recognized me," she thought.She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and newcolor, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman."Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?""Because that's a microwave," he replied.Sent by Ace
Blonds

One blonde to another...Have you ever read Shakespeare?No. Who wrote it?
Blonds

What does a blond and a turtle have in common?When they lay on their backs they're screwed!
Blonds

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. Thedoctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this wasan obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commitsuicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait aminute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruinit. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait aminute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want toruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait aminute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! Sothen I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this isgoing to be loud!"
Blonds

What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?A retarded ape.
Blonds

A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical."What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked."My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde.Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees."No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
Blonds

Q: How can you tell a blonde has been working on the computer?A: There is white out on the screen
Blonds

Q: Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test?A: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.
Blonds

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that theblonde behind the wheel was knitting.The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to thedriver--"PULL OVER!""NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
Blonds

(This joke requires the use a small visual. I'll describe the visualfirst, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it) Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands alsostretched wide open.Joke: Why did the blonde want to date Jesus? She heard he was (usevisual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!
Blonds

Q: What's the differenc between a blond and a mosquito?A: A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.
Blonds

What does a blonde say after sex? Thanks Guys.
Blonds

And more on blondes...Q: But why do brunettes take the pill? A: Wishful Thinking.
Blonds

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Blonds

A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"
Blonds

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland -- "Left", so they turned around and went home.
Blonds

Why does a blonde have curtains on her PC?To open windows
Blonds

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky.
Blonds

Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
Blonds

Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED? A: Who cares?
Blonds

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it".Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart; now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
Blonds

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?Data transfer.
Blonds

Why did the blonde go half way to Sweden and then turn around and come home?It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
Blonds

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Blonds

What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins? He wanted to know who the other man was...
Blonds

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend,"Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"
Blonds

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
Blonds

Q: What did the dumb blond say to the large breasted waitress after reading her name tag? A: What did you name the other one!!
Blonds

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked:"I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."
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Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the otherblonde, "Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim.Please tell me how you did this!"The second blonde then says, " But you ARE on the otherside!"
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A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
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A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
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So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails away, that his friend came over. "Eh, what you doing? How come you're throwing away all those nails?" he asked. "Because they're upside down," the friend replied. The other guy looks at the friend, then, after some thought, says, "You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!"
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Q: What do you get when a blond stands on here head?A: A smelly burnette.Sent by Tiffany
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A blonde calls the fire department cause her house was on fire. They ask her how to get there and she says "Duh, big red truck?!."
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There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns around and says "yes, no, yes, no....."
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Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going tohelp that man!
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What do you call a blonde that just came out of the closet?The Hide and Seek champion of 1992.
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A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!" The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"
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Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboypreparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western orEnglish saddle.Judi asked what the difference was."Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't.""Just get the one without the horn. I don't thinkwe'll run into too much traffic out here."
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I'm not so sure evolution is indeed a valid theory. I mean, thinkabout it -- if it were, wouldn't all blondes have grown handlesby now?
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What have a blonde and a computer got in common?You don't realise how much you miss them until they go down on you!Sent by Tiggsy
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Did you hear about the new paint on the market?It's called Blonde. It's not very bright, but it spreadseasy!
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What is the smartest blonde?A golden retriever
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What do you call a blonde in the freezer?A Frosted Flake.
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A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients arecomplaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I didthe next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm drivingaround, my zip code keeps changing."
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How do you break a blonde's nose?Place a dildo under a glass table!
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What do you call a brunette between two blondes?Translator.
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How can you tell if a blonde is a redneck?If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at thesame time and still know which one to spit out.
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Why do blondes like blonde jokes?It makes them feel popular.
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What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one? Between you and me we could make a lot of money!
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A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
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Moon MissionNASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off.Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.""Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear.""Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?""Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over.""That's right. Over and out."They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage."Hello, Pig 2? Come in please.""Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear.""OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?""Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program.""That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again."Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?""Kiki here, reading you loud and clear.""Kiki, do you remember your instructions?""Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons."
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A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over there?" "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the bloody goalie."Sent by Gerald
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She was so blond, she thought Boys II Men was a daycare center.
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Two TouristsTwo tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
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A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what herdad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait fora snow plow and follow it."Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. Shefollowed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver ofthe truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained thather dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow aplow.The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parkinglot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
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A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something shehasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adultvideo.She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while,selects a title that sounds very stimulating.She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable,and puts the tape in the VCR.To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so shecalls the video store to complain."I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tapebut static," she says."Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Whichtitle did you rent?" the clerk replies."Head Cleaner," Mary replies.
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Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide tobuy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decidesshe does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599,no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send hersister a telegram to tell her the news.She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send atelegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out hereso we can haul it home."The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, thenadds, "It's just 99 cents a word."Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. Sherealizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you tosend her the word, 'comfortable.'"The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to knowthat you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and driveout here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'?"The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde.""She'll read it very slow."
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What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.
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Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
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What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?Elvis has been sighted.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
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An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a signon it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, "Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!"The girls stop and look at each other. "Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!"
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Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?To see what was on the other side.
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Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.
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What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes?The back of her head.
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Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?She missed.
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Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?It takes too long to retrain them.
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Why did the blonde return her new scarf?It was too tight.
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! IfI get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jumpoff this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I getburritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bolognasandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef andcabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw aburrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaand jumped to his death as well.At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd knownhow really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would havegiven it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I couldhave given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos somuch."Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports carand was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through herpurse and was getting progressively more agitated."What does it look like?" she finally asked.The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. "Here it is," she said.The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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